So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
