Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You can't just leave with hair like that
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
