is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
