If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
