I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
