Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
