Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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