I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
