There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
