Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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