I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
