was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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