I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
