You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
there was a trapeze. enough said
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
