i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
tequila makes me forget i have legs
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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