dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
