note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
