Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
