Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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