I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
