I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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