do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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