so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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