dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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