Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
