I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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