i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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