Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
