At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
