It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
