Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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