Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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