I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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