there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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