so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
