What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
