I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
