the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
