OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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