he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My life is pants optional.
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