Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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