he looks like a really good dad on facebook
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
