It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
be right there i have to get my cape
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
