my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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