when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Your cock deserves a montage
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
