maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
