Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We left an ass print on the piano.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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