I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
