She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
