Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
